Thirty-fifth percentile

Thirty-fifth percentile

I’m 5’8” and 145 pounds as a senior. In the 35th percentile in height and weight for boys my age, I am small. This isn’t particularly problematic except for the fact that my favorite sport is football. I’ve been playing since middle school, but at that age everyone is small. Or at least the differences in size aren’t quite as pronounced. What I lacked in size, I made up for with speed and toughness.

But, after playing my freshman year as a running back and safety, I was sick of being small, constantly outmatched and physically battered.

So I quit, rationalizing it as “retiring” to soften the blow to my ego. Looking back, I made a purely emotional decision: fearful I wouldn’t get bigger, doubtful of whether I could contribute, and upset that I hadn’t lived up to my own expectations.

When the next football season rolled around, I didn’t suit up. Instead, I found myself in after-school P.E., and each Friday night, I stood in the bleachers while my former teammates played on the turf under the lights and took part in the great tradition that is Texas high school football.

When one of my good friends snagged an interception in his very first varsity game playing my position, I felt a pang of jealousy. That could’ve been me.

Following every minute detail of college and NFL football, one of my greatest passions, made me even more upset. I realized I missed the game. And since I knew college football probably wasn’t in my future, I only had two years left to play organized tackle football.

So the next year, my junior year, I rejoined the team. But not because I thought my size would no longer be an issue. In fact, it still is an issue. In my mind, my size limits what I can accomplish, which is difficult for me since I am extremely competitive, but physical limitations have forced me to rely on my intellect, to study film more than anyone else, to diagnose offensive schemes faster and react quicker than my opponents.

So, while missing that year is a mistake I truly regret, only by missing it do I now know how much I value playing football.

I learned that when you may not have the obvious traits you need, you can find other ways to perform at a high level. I’ve realized that excelling at something isn’t the only goal. Just being on the team and contributing as I can may be sufficient.

So now each day out on that field I soak in every drill, every snap, every touchdown. No longer do I hold myself to a standard that’s not realistic for me. No longer do I let the 35th percentile affect me. Just being in the game is a win, and if you don’t play, you can’t win.